KSA in Four Words: 3. "Haram"

"Haram" -   Forbidden; Illegal

Most people come to the Kingdom knowing for the most part what to expect.  You expect that you won't be drinking much alcohol, if any.  You expect that you won't be fraternizing with the opposite sex.  You expect not to see so much as a woman's wrist, or to hear music in public.  You expect not to eat pork or view anything resembling pornography in any form of media.  It's one thing to expect it.  It's another to experience it.  I realized today as I was walking around campus just how segregated the sexes are.  I haven't spoken to one Saudi girl since I've been here-- not one.  I haven't even made eye-contact, and I probably won’t my entire time here.  Now granted, there are female teachers working for my company, living in the same facilities, who ride communal private buses that our company charters to and from work.  Some of the guys have met a few.  I think they have even hung out in the privacy of one or the other's flat.  But it's not something you do haphazardly.  The contract we sign when we move into our apartments strictly states: "Tenants are not to mingle or socialize with anyone of the opposite sex who is not a member of his or her family.  Violating this condition can lead to the contract's immediate termination and the expulsion of the offending parties."  Not to say it doesn't happen, but we are expressly warned of the consequences. 

The remarkable thing is that despite everything that attempts to control them, Saudis do find ways to do what for so many of us seems so natural a part of being a teen-- they date, fraternize, have secret rendezvous, even drink.  People are remarkably resilient and resistant to control.  I'm told that a common practice for young people to meet, and something that I will no doubt see more of, is for men to post their cell phone numbers in the windows of their cars-- your typical "0559878761 - Call Mohammed for a good time." And it works.  Another more proactive approach is for young fellas to wad up pieces of paper with their name and number on it and throw them into the windows of other vehicles when traffic slows.  The most time tested and effective method of meeting girls though, without question, is to be set up either by a friend or cousin.  One guy will show you a picture of his sister or cousin and promise to set up a date if you'll do the same for him.  It goes without saying that in the age of the internet, smart phones  and social networking websites this has only become easier, and I've already overheard my students teasing each other about "girlfriends."  Although when questioned they will quickly dismiss the notion with a "No no, teacher.  Haram."  A typical date for young Saudis is for both parties to be dropped off at the mall in a liberal part of town where women can walk around unaccompanied.  Then, they'll be picked up by another individual, usually the one who set them up, who'll drive them around or maybe to a private villa or desert location so the two can have some time together, only to be quickly returned to the mall to be picked up by a parent who hopefully is none the wiser. 

As westerners in Saudi we are afforded opportunities to indulge ourselves in western delights much more readily than can your average Saudi young person.  We have the outlets offered to us in the form of Embassies and compounds which often hold parties and where it's not uncommon to find singles "hooking up", liquor being served, and bacon on the menu.  In fact I've heard that the scene at some of these parties could come right out of any club or bar in the States or Europe, although I've still yet to experience it myself.  For Saudis to so indulge however they'll either need a lot of "Wasta," a lot of money, or to take a trip abroad, the most accessible locations being Bahrain or Dubai, places where you can find such things in hotels, clubs, and/or bars. 

For the most part I'm looking at my time here as an opportunity to cleanse, so to speak.  I love beer and pork cutlets (and the Czech Republic), but I can do without them, and I won't be any worse off.  Nobody needs pornography and being a man in a happily committed and fulfilling relationship I have no need to date or "hook up" as I'm sure many strapping young lads my age feel they do.  The one thing I will miss though and am already starting to, is just having female friends-- having feminine energy around me.  I've always believed that everything in life requires balance and cutting one gender off from the other, to me, just seems unnatural.  So, for my lady friends, female members of my family, and especially that special lady out there (you know who you are......Amy) don't be surprised if you happen to hear a little more from me over the coming months.  ‘Cuz while some things that are "Haram" can be regulated effectively in public, there are others that I will chose to disregard, but from the safety and privacy of my little apartment-- of course.