Four months in the desert allows a lot of time for reflection. And while I'm not exactly living in a tent wedged between a couple of sand dunes, it sometimes feel like I am. Here are some things I've noted recently when looking back on my time here, my blog, and when looking forward.
Four months is not that long of a time. It flew right on by. It really is true that the older you get, the quicker time passes. I mean it makes sense mathematically-- a year is a much smaller percentage of my life than it was even 10 years ago-- but there's something else to it too. The more you've lived the more you understand that no matter what, the time will pass. You obsess much less about the future, about not being able to wait for certain things. You live much more in the present and as such, it's always fleeting. Now maybe there are fewer landmark moments to look forward to, or it's more understood that those will come when they do and there's no use driving yourself crazy waiting. But for me at least, I'm much more comfortable with the present, and it's making time fly.
I've had the thought more than once that I'm right where I should be. It's a really good feeling. Don't get me wrong; I miss my friends and loved ones like crazy, but they understand, as do I, that my time here is about opening my eyes, and open they have. I hope it's not too selfish a process though.
I've noticed how my blog has changed a lot in nature. It's gone from being more about personal experience to about my thoughts on regional politics. I hope this hasn't turned too many off, but at the same time I could never apologize for writing about what's on my mind. And considering the amount of Al Jazeera I watch and the lasting impact the unprecedented events of the last few months in the Arab world will continue to have, it should come as no surprise. Plus, I love this stuff. More personal posts are good for me as well though, and I'd like to rededicate myself to more reflection, observation and things specific to my experience here. But we'll see.
I've also noticed that a lot of things I've written aren't entirely accurate when I've gone back and reread my posts. Sometimes almost immediately after posting, I'll have a conversation or learn something that makes me realize what I wrote about a certain topic isn't exactly true. For the most part though, I've decided to leave it how it is. I think those things say a lot about my impressions and my experience at the time which just so happen to be the only things I've ever claimed to relay. Also, I wouldn't have realized that those things weren't true unless I had written them. The act of writing, or speaking for that matter, gives one the opportunity to reflect on the words you put together. You're able to hear or read the words and then compare it to the feelings you're trying to describe as well as the reality they relate to. It's a way of creating and facilitating a dialogue, even if it's only with yourself, and it's from dialogue that the best questions come and some bit of truth can be ascertained. Therefore, saying something, saying anything is such a worthwhile process, and the fact that afterwards you happen to find things you don't agree with or that aren't accurate only helps to prove this point instead of the opposite.
Along these same lines though, it would be fun to conduct some actual research for some of the pieces I write. So many of them have very little other than my personal thoughts and feelings based on my limited experience. Expanding that experience through more deliberate conversation, interview, formal research, and travel would only stand to improve my writing, at the risk of people assuming it to be more objective. Being in Saudi Arabia, on a visitor's visa to work and teach, and with none of the protections afforded to international media in the middle of a regional political crisis might not be the best situation to start playing journalist though.
I've been able to accomplish some of the goals I set out for myself as far as personal development and self-improvement are concerned. My struggles with some of them though, like learning Arabic and starting to floss, have highlighted two things I find to be true: 1) It's always best to take on one new hobby, activity, desired habit at a time. Trying to do them all at once is a recipe for at least partial failure. 2) It's much easier to quit something than it is to start. When all you gotta do is nothing in order to feel like you've done something good, it's much easier to accomplish.
Most of the novelty of this place has worn off. I'm much more rarely surprised and unfortunately, most things I encounter seem to reinforce ideas that I've already developed as opposed to creating new ones. It's also easy to be cynical. My hope is that surprise will come when those generalizations are dispelled and I can again be confronted with the idea that things aren't always what you think. I'm still excited about being here though. It's still an education.
Four months is not that long of a time. It flew right on by. It really is true that the older you get, the quicker time passes. I mean it makes sense mathematically-- a year is a much smaller percentage of my life than it was even 10 years ago-- but there's something else to it too. The more you've lived the more you understand that no matter what, the time will pass. You obsess much less about the future, about not being able to wait for certain things. You live much more in the present and as such, it's always fleeting. Now maybe there are fewer landmark moments to look forward to, or it's more understood that those will come when they do and there's no use driving yourself crazy waiting. But for me at least, I'm much more comfortable with the present, and it's making time fly.
I've had the thought more than once that I'm right where I should be. It's a really good feeling. Don't get me wrong; I miss my friends and loved ones like crazy, but they understand, as do I, that my time here is about opening my eyes, and open they have. I hope it's not too selfish a process though.
I've noticed how my blog has changed a lot in nature. It's gone from being more about personal experience to about my thoughts on regional politics. I hope this hasn't turned too many off, but at the same time I could never apologize for writing about what's on my mind. And considering the amount of Al Jazeera I watch and the lasting impact the unprecedented events of the last few months in the Arab world will continue to have, it should come as no surprise. Plus, I love this stuff. More personal posts are good for me as well though, and I'd like to rededicate myself to more reflection, observation and things specific to my experience here. But we'll see.
I've also noticed that a lot of things I've written aren't entirely accurate when I've gone back and reread my posts. Sometimes almost immediately after posting, I'll have a conversation or learn something that makes me realize what I wrote about a certain topic isn't exactly true. For the most part though, I've decided to leave it how it is. I think those things say a lot about my impressions and my experience at the time which just so happen to be the only things I've ever claimed to relay. Also, I wouldn't have realized that those things weren't true unless I had written them. The act of writing, or speaking for that matter, gives one the opportunity to reflect on the words you put together. You're able to hear or read the words and then compare it to the feelings you're trying to describe as well as the reality they relate to. It's a way of creating and facilitating a dialogue, even if it's only with yourself, and it's from dialogue that the best questions come and some bit of truth can be ascertained. Therefore, saying something, saying anything is such a worthwhile process, and the fact that afterwards you happen to find things you don't agree with or that aren't accurate only helps to prove this point instead of the opposite.
Along these same lines though, it would be fun to conduct some actual research for some of the pieces I write. So many of them have very little other than my personal thoughts and feelings based on my limited experience. Expanding that experience through more deliberate conversation, interview, formal research, and travel would only stand to improve my writing, at the risk of people assuming it to be more objective. Being in Saudi Arabia, on a visitor's visa to work and teach, and with none of the protections afforded to international media in the middle of a regional political crisis might not be the best situation to start playing journalist though.
I've been able to accomplish some of the goals I set out for myself as far as personal development and self-improvement are concerned. My struggles with some of them though, like learning Arabic and starting to floss, have highlighted two things I find to be true: 1) It's always best to take on one new hobby, activity, desired habit at a time. Trying to do them all at once is a recipe for at least partial failure. 2) It's much easier to quit something than it is to start. When all you gotta do is nothing in order to feel like you've done something good, it's much easier to accomplish.
Most of the novelty of this place has worn off. I'm much more rarely surprised and unfortunately, most things I encounter seem to reinforce ideas that I've already developed as opposed to creating new ones. It's also easy to be cynical. My hope is that surprise will come when those generalizations are dispelled and I can again be confronted with the idea that things aren't always what you think. I'm still excited about being here though. It's still an education.
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